The Counselor Within: How self-discovery shapes your life.

I spent my career assisting others in answering the questions: "What should I do with my life?" and "What should I be?"

As much as I would have liked, I cannot answer these questions for others. It became my focus to assist each person in becoming skilled in self-monitoring and analysis, and to encourage them to practice and employ these processes throughout their lives.

It is my hope that my experience will guide you through a process of self-discovery that will help you to uncover your own answers. It takes ongoing awareness and curiosity as your life unfolds. Pausing to take stock of your experiences - and your reactions to them - gives you valuable information to apply to your decisions, helping you align them with your greatest goals and aspirations. The answer does not come from others, but from you. Embracing this process is the most rewarding gift you can give yourself.

Decisions shape our lives. We often make them with limited or inadequate information. Sometimes, we take great care in gathering information and planning for our decisions; other times, decision-making is more automatic, based on emotion, with very little systematic consideration. When done well, all decision-making begins with the same process: we gather information in two main areas. One set of information relates to the matter we are deciding about. The second relates to information about ourselves.

“If I live to be 100, I may never truly know myself.”

Let’s say you are looking to buy a car. You will investigate a variety of models, costs, mileage, dependability ratings, colors, and styles. Once you have this information, you will consider how it aligns with your needs. You may have a budget to consider. You may need extra seats for a big family or space to transport materials. There may be unique features that are particularly important to you. When you add information about yourself to the decision, it quickly becomes a unique and specialized choice. The more awareness you have about yourself, your needs, and how you operate, the more likely you are to make decisions aligned with your goals. Decisions that align with your true self can bring about greater satisfaction and comfort with the direction of your life.

How is it that we come to understand ourselves enough to inform our decisions? The process is complex and never-ending. If I live to be 100, I will never fully know myself. You are always growing, developing, and experiencing new things. Self-discovery is a process and a journey to embrace with curiosity, tenacity, and self-compassion. As you grow, gather life experiences, and as the world around you changes, your self-awareness can serve as a guide - helping you evolve in ways that align with your values and bring a satisfying sense of growth and progress.

After a full career, meeting with hundreds of people, teaching about the process of self-discovery, I hope to share what I have learned with you. I can’t say I have all the answers, but after 80+ years, I might be able to help you find yours.

 

On Modern Day Coaching - Stacia’s Reflection

The principles underlying my father’s approach to helping others uncover their own answers, are mirrored in many modern day coaching methods. When asked, my father reflected on the early emergence of the profession. Coaching as a profession emerged in the 1980s alongside the rise of the self-help movement. However, it wasn’t until the mid-90s that a standard of practice was established. He noted that standards and training can ensure a critical foundation in behavioral analysis that is essential to safely guiding an individual through a change process. Despite the emergence of the International Coach Federation (ICF) in the mid-90s to establish standards and legitimacy for the profession, many coaches to this day do not seek or maintain a standard of practice.

Does this mean they cannot guide you? 

The value of your guide, whether coach, counselor, therapist or mentor, is just as much about your perspective as it is the methodologies and supports they provide you. Knowledge and training in the vast field of human behavior, development and psychological analysis is foundational, however there is also great value and validity to life experience and personal self-awareness that a coach or counselor may bring to navigating a change process. Growth comes through relationships where we test out our world view, reshape it, and affirm it. Outdated is the assumption that you can find a practitioner, program or organization to “fix” you. The answer is much more exciting and expansive than that.  What if you have all you need inside you right now to be all that you dream of being? It may simply be a matter of seeking the right partnership to walk with you down that path so you may uncover for yourself the inherent wisdom you have within you.